stick a fork in it

This hellish semester is done. I took my last exam, chemistry, today - it was everything I thought it would be, and worse. My mind literally went blank as soon as I got the test. I couldn't even remember the mechanism I had just been studying, let alone anything I'd studied the entire morning. It was so bad. If I'm lucky, I got about 60 points out of 200. That's 40% of my semester grade, down the toilet.

I thought I'd be so relieved at this point, just to have it all over with and finished, but I'm not. I limped to the end of this semester so pathetically. I should have gotten three A's and two B's this semester; but I screwed everything up so badly, I probably ended up with two B's and three C's, at best - which all but drives a stake in the heart of my plans to go to medical school (which, well, I've never been so gung-ho about in the first place). I fucked up so much, I can't feel relief now. I can't feel much of anything. I'm just numb.

Well, like my DH said, now I've got the whole break to think about changing majors. Or just giving up entirely. I've already got a bachelor's degree, I really don't need to be in school anymore. I could get a crap job and just relax and stop trying to do anything with my life. I've never really been into that working-up-to-my-potential thing, anyway.

Eh, whatever. My brain's too fried to think straight at the moment. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a date with a bottle of Saranac Winter Wassail.