I'm going to punch someone.

I'm going to punch someone. TSA, Delta employee, smug Portlander, annoying fellow tourist - doesn't matter, I'll punch any or all or them.
.....

an open letter to Wade Redden

Dear Wade,

That's it - we're done. You are no longer my secret boyfriend.

It's not just that you didn't step up last season when my fantasy team was really counting on you. You ended up being pretty much the worst defenseman on the team. The first year I had you, the year you won my heart, you were my #1 defenseman. In the span of two years, you went from first to worst.

And honestly, I could forgive you for that, if you had just moved to a good team this year and promised to work hard to regain your form. But when I found out you signed with the Rangers?? You broke my heart, Wade Redden. So I'm breaking up with you.

Sincerely,
Liz

Memo to Dan Boyle: You look like a cro-magnon, but you're a fantastic defenseman. This is your chance to fill the vacant secret-boyfriend slot I now seem to have. Judging by the players Tampa Bay has picked up lately, though, you're going to have a really tough time this season. But I have faith in you - just be careful with sharp things around your wrists, okay? We'll talk again when the season starts. Please understand, however, that despite being a candidate to be my secret boyfriend, you will never supplant my hockey heartthrob in my affections.

*Edit, 7/4/08* - Dear Dan: Forget that bit about Tampa Bay. As sad as I am to see you leaving Florida, I'm thrilled you'll be going to the Sharks. And hey, you'll be playing with three of my other potential secret boyfriends (Joe T., Milan, Jonathan, I'm looking at you)!

.....